The on-going conflict between reason and emotion

This is how I’ve been feeling (kind of grumpy and sad) for the past few weeks now and have only recently shared it with anyone (And! This will be the last time I write about it, promise):

I try to be as rational as possible in all areas my life, with varying levels of success. As a result, I sometimes try to reason my way out of feeling a certain way because logically (at least, I think so) I should be feeling differently. In my efforts, I end up denying how I’m really feeling and instead project how I think I ought to feel.

With the situation with b, it has been over a month but not quite two, though it feels much longer. And to be honest, I’m not quite over it, yet. I have my good days, I have my bad days, but over all I find myself still thinking about him. No matter how many reasons I list for why he’s not worthy of my time or consideration or why he was so completely wrong for me, I have not yet successfully dispelled these lingering feelings—I can’t seem to reason my way out of feeling this way, unfortunately. I know that there is no proper timeline for when you get over relationships of any length, but I really thought that I’d be over it by now, or at least I had hoped I would be considering the circumstances. And because I’m not quite there yet, I feel a little foolish.

I suppose that I didn’t want to admit that he could have affected me so. I wanted to be able to say, “Well, he’s an asshole!”, move on and forget about it, but it hasn’t been that easy. I do, however, think that I’ve taken it well so far—I haven’t cried or done anything I would later regret, thank god; I’m still going out and being social. Even so, it all kind of sucks and I look forward to the day when I will hardly give this or him another thought.