Boys. Sigh. Ugh.

I really hate that one bad experience with a guy has planted in me this seed of distrust towards guys in general. And I feel that this could possibly mar future relationships.

I was with someone for a few months earlier in the year, someone who said a lot of things but never really followed through. One of the last things he said to me was, “I’ll call you,” after which I never heard from him ever again. And after hearing the complete lies he said about me, making me seem as though I was some needy, desperate girl (which I am NOT), I find it hard to believe anything a guy tells me now, especially if I like him in any romantic sort of way.

And it’s unfortunate because I recently met someone that I was immediately interested in. He said that he had fun meeting me, that we should hang out again sometime and that he’d call. Rather than feeling happy about the possibilities, all I felt was pessimism, thinking, “Yeah, we’ll see if you actually call…” and taking every little sign as an indication of disinterest.

Fortunately, he did call me and we had a great first date. He told me that he had a good time and that he believed we connected well; he suggested other things we could do in the future, and after our date he said he’d give me a call.

Before that other guy, if a guy told me that he’d call, I’d believe him; if a guy told me anything else about himself or his feelings towards me, I’d take his word for it. Now, even though I feel that this new guy is a genuinely good person (he was a gentleman throughout the date, in a way that it didn’t seem to be a façade) I still feel overcome with doubt about whether or not he actually had a good time (maybe he was just being polite) and whether I’ll hear from him again. I hate that. And I hate feeling that, “Oh great, now I have all of this emotional baggage I need to sort through.”

I’ve usually been a pretty trusting person, perhaps maybe a little too trusting, and while it’s probably wise to be a little guarded in the initial stages of dating, I want to feel as though I can trust someone and believe that what they’re telling is true and without subtext.

Addendum: I should mention, though, that right before my recent date, I was pretty nervous. I’ve never gone on a first date where I’d hardly spoken to the person beforehand. M said I couldn’t stop giggling.